Tag Archives: sarah palin

Confession: We got a situation here… Bristol Palin to join Jersey Shore cast?

31 Mar

Sitting around waiting for more freelance clients and/or a full time job can get boring, and the only way to find work is to stay connected. Check Craigslist, Twitter feeds, refresh your email every five seconds in the hopes that someone actually wants to hire my punk ass… then repeat.

Throughout the day I stay busy and struggle to keep my sanity through dog walks, never-ending to-do lists from my wife, and Netflix instant streaming.

The other day I was so bored I decided to watch some Jersey Shore, season 2, which was recently added to the instant streaming catalog on Netflix. After a few episodes I realized we have a situation in this country. Get it, a situation? Because one of the guys on Jersey Shore calls himself the situation. Moving on…

As I was saying, after watching a few episodes I felt a strong urge to take a really hot shower and get tested for STDs, just to make sure I hadn’t caught anything from the remote. My eyes also became very sensitive to the cast-member’s T-shirts; which seemed to be white T-shirts, which had been washed with highlighters and a handful of temporary tattoos (I think the brand is Ed Hardy?).

While watching the show, and continuing my job search, I saw a headline on-line about how Snooki was being featured on the cover of Rolling Stone. The article stated that Snooki is a published, best selling, author, alongside her cast mate the Situation.

The same day I saw a headline that Bristol Palin is writing a book and has already obtained a publisher. Now, I realize the book industry is just as troubled as the record industry, but that doesn’t mean it should rush to such drastic measures to sell books. You don’t see the record industry stooping to such pathetic lows to sell records. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to see Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian putting out records anytime soon… Oh, wait, shit.

For those of you that don’t get why I’m so bothered by this, let me quickly explain—these people are jokes.

I can see how the cast of the Jersey Shore would be incredibly qualified to write a book on binge drinking, or how to kill time while waiting for your prescription to cure Chlamydia is filled. But I can’t imagine they’d have much to offer beyond these subjects.

And as for Bristol Palin, the girl who is famous for practicing unsafe sex, and getting knocked up by a self proclaimed redneck boyfriend… She claims being a working mom is really tough. Her job? At the time she made the statement, she was on the reality TV show, Dancing with the Stars. She has had other jobs, since becoming a mother. One article I read said she made $38,000 a night speaking to teens about abstinence. Not about how it doesn’t work, which she famously told Fox News, but how it does work, minus all of the statistics that it doesn’t… and you know, her baby.

How/why are these people famous? And why are they writing books? Part of the reason I get into a rage when I hear about such people getting a book deal, is because I’m scrapping by to make a living by writing about anything anyone will pay me for. But you better believe, if I ever publish a book, there is no way I’ll allow myself to get lumped in with the Jersey Shores and the Bristol Palins of the publishing world. No, I hope I’m put in a class with the likes of such great minds and best selling authors as George W. Bush, Glenn Beck, and Sarah Palin. Dare to dream.

Confession: I hate your blog

18 Nov

I hate blogs, including this one. There, I said it. I can admit it, blogs suck, they are evil creatures. Without blogs, it’s fair to say the world would be a much better place.

I remember when I first heard about blogs, I thought they would be a great idea. But like most things, they are only enjoyable when experienced in moderation. Nowadays everyone has a blog. Most likely even your Mom has a blog.

There are blogs about food, music, movies, bikes, stuff white people like, pop-culture, design, politics… Then there are blogs that deal with all of the above and more. There are even blogs about blogs. It’s too much, there are too many, the Internet is too flooded with them. I’ve even seen blogs about religion. If the post I read was true, and there is a God… Please help, please eliminate all of the blogs in the world, including this one. Thanks God.

Sarah Palin’s fame is even credited to a blog. Before some small political blog raved about her, she was widely unknown; man I miss those days. But now, thanks to some stupid blog, her face and annoying smug little smile is everywhere for everyone to see. And what do we know about the blogger who first praised this woman? Well of course we know he’s an idiot, because after all, he praised Sarah Palin… But besides that, we don’t know anything about him. Why does his opinion even matter? For all we know he could worship Captain Kirk, his diet could consist solely of Cheetos and Reb Bull and he could be planning to marry his sister when he grows up.

That’s my point; blogs would maybe be useful or entertaining if they were used by important people to say intelligent or funny things. Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Who determines who is intelligent or funny enough to get a blog?” I don’t know the answer to that question, me maybe? But I know this; someone has to do something. They used to do this back in the good old-fashioned days when people still read newspapers. The people who made these decisions were called editors and the people they chose to push their views, humor and or opinions onto you were called columnists, and it was awesome.

Now, as I’ve said before, columnists are dead, and the only thing that’s left in their place are bloggers and tweeters (is tweeter what you call a person who uses Twitter?). If you have a blog, most likely I’ve read it to kill time at work, and most likely I think less of you for having it; just like my self-esteem goes down several points every time I click the publish button on this blog.

At times I wish I lived in China where they restricted things like Facebook, people’s blogs and other information. It must be nice to not be so overwhelmed with all this bullshit. I understand that you might think I’m crazy for feeling this way and I might have offended you, but I don’t really care. What are you going to do, blog about it?

No bloggers where injured in this blog post.

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