My wife and I are in the process of buying a new house and I swear, I haven’t signed and or initialed this many things since I was applying for college. I had to use the force to channel my social security number, which I had stored away long ago behind countless song lyrics and [...]
Entries Tagged as ‘Uncategorized’
January 26, 2010
Confession: I’m dying…
Recently I haven’t been feeling well, so I decided to see what an expert had to say about my symptoms. Today I was hit with some very bad news, I’m terminally ill.
According to the search results I obtained from Googling my symptoms, I could be dying from at least 10 different illnesses. I was surprised [...]
January 15, 2010
Confession: I wear Gap boxers with Santa on them…
We’ve all heard the expression, “Daddy’s little girl,” and everyone knows atleast one Dad who simply does not want to see his daughter turn into a young woman. The reason for this is simple, dads were once young men and long before that they were boys; in the middle lies the teenage years, and all [...]
January 8, 2010
Confession: TGIF
I’ve always hated the saying TGIF and I’m not sure why. If I could establish a clear relationship between the abbreviation and the run of Friday night televisions shows it represented while I was in elementary and middle school, I’m sure I’d have fonder feelings towards it.
I mean, come on. Who didn’t love themselves some [...]
January 6, 2010
Confession: My ass is literally worried about airport security. And Charlie Sheen…
I’m getting on a plane to head to Vegas in a month and all I can do is think about is a recent news article I read. In Saudi Arabia a member of Al Qaeda smuggled a bomb up his ass in attempt to kill Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef, head of Saudi Arabia’s counter terrorism [...]
December 9, 2009
Confession: I miss smoking
I’ve often wondered what it is that keeps me from writing a novel or a collection of short stories. Inevitably it’s A.D.D. or my sheer lack of motivation, but I prefer to pretend it’s something much deeper than that, perhaps something I can simply acquire by going to the store, or better yet, buy it [...]
December 3, 2009
Confession: People Yahoo weird stuff
This week Yahoo released its list of the top ten things people used their search engine to find out more about, this year. The results lead me to believe the two main types of people using the Yahoo search engine are men, and teenie booper girls. Here’s how this year’s numbers broke down.
1. Michael Jackson [...]
December 3, 2009
Confession: Chuck Klosterman reads my blog
Chuck Klosterman reads my blog! Or on-line collections of essays as I like to think of it. I don’t know this for sure, but today I got a hit from someone who followed my link from Facebook; and it just happens to be the same day Chuck Klosterman accepted my Facebook invitation to be friends. [...]
November 18, 2009
Confession: I hate your blog
I hate blogs, including this one. There, I said it. I can admit it, blogs suck, they are evil creatures. Without blogs, it’s fair to say the world would be a much better place.
I remember when I first heard about blogs, I thought they would be a great idea. But like most things, they are [...]
November 10, 2009
Confession: I ate cow
Yesterday, after ten years of eating what most of my friends referred to as twigs and bark, I finally ate what they consider to be “real food.” After a decade of having a cow-free mouth, I chewed and swallowed a 1/2-pound of cow at happy hour.
It was an interesting experience. I didn’t feel any guilt [...]
November 3, 2009
Confession: technology is crazy, stupid!
A few months back, my wife bought me an iPhone; I’m pretty sure she’s regretted it everyday since. She claims to be looking into support groups that help people who have a problem with their cell phone. I told her I’m not addicted; I’m simply exploring it and learning about all of the thousands of [...]
October 30, 2009
Confession: not everyone loves free rent
I spotted this homeless guy playing guitar the other day for money. According to him, anything helps. Apparently he did’t read the sign just above his bike.
August 18, 2009
9021-0h my God I should’ve done more…
Thinking back now I should’ve done something, but of course hindsight is always 20-20. There were plenty of signs I should’ve seen, but even when there was no doubt in my mind what was going on I sat back and did nothing.
When he took Kelly to Mexico I was naïve to believe it was just [...]
June 9, 2009
Confession No. 4: I live in the real world
When I was young my father often spoke of a place he called “The real world.” It sounded like a horrible place for many reasons: Money apparently did not grow on trees in the real world; shit, of all shapes and sizes, happened on a regular basis; and all of the Chinese people there were [...]
